While there are endless benefit's from boundary work, here are some common signs it's calling your name. If any of these resonate, it means you have options! A bit of cleaning up your thinking and habits can empower big changes in your life.
The Drama finds You. You have some difficult or dramatic relationships that consistently drain you (friends, family, work). Or, you often have drama in relationships regardless of who starts it. Worst case: you have found yourself in an abusive partnership or friendship.
You often “don’t know.” You are regularly indecisive or can’t identify what you really want. You tend to be “all things for all people,” struggle to set goals, are unaware of what you like. Worst Case: Just like Julia Roberts in “Runaway Bride” you don’t even know what kind of eggs you like because you only ever have what someone else is having…
NO makes you cringe. You often find yourself saying yes, chased by feelings of stress. You take pride in being able to help others and not needing much yourself. When others say no it’s surprising and may be hard to understand or tolerate. Worst Case: You avoid the feeling of letting someone down by never actually saying the word no, but still convince yourself that you are an honest person.
You’re not respected. Things just don’t seem to ever work out in your favor. You feel blamed or taken advantage of at work or within your family. Your kids push you on every little thing. Worst Case: You feel this way in all areas of life and sincerely believe it’s everyone else’s fault. This article may be irritating you.
You’re tired of being tired and feeling guilty. You are often drained and chronically exhausted. Guilt is a common day to day feeling along with the fear of others disapproval or judgment. You tend to either avoid conflict or always find yourself in it. Worst Case: You consistently feel anxiety and depression.
You’re either an open book or shut most out. You keep people at a distance not trusting anyone with what’s personal and vulnerable to you. Or, you trust everyone and let it all hang out. Worst case: You have said something like “that’s just who I am; I put it all out there” after telling gory details of your life to strangers on the subway while sober...more than once.
- You are passive-aggressive (or nonassertive). You find yourself nagging, sighing, withdrawing, getting silent or stomping around- all justified by someone else's poor behavior. Maybe you are calm and collected until someone “makes you” explode. Worst Case: You had to live with me in college… but that’s another story for another time.
Which one of these resonates with you most?
I know how challenging boundary work can be. I also know the payoff is priceless and support makes all the difference. That's why I offer free 30 minute mini-coaching sessions to my blog readers. Shhhh!!! Check out my calendar here.